


it's ben affleck's world, and we're all just living in it

by cosmicrhetoric



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Jily Challenge, happy halloween!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 09:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8440630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicrhetoric/pseuds/cosmicrhetoric
Summary: In all honesty, Lily did have some misgivings about going to a Halloween party with Sirius Black. As any sane person would.





	

**Author's Note:**

> yo i used american frat culture 4 this happy halloweekend
> 
> the main antagonist is a man in a banana suit because a man in a banana suit nearly vomited on my on friday and im PETTY
> 
> this frat party is an amalgam of all the frat parties i've been to. these are legit all true stories y'all

In all honesty, Lily did have some misgivings about going to a Halloween party with Sirius Black. As any sane person would. 

She had even more misgivings about allowing him to escort her to a bona fide frat party, the likes of which she had avoided since she was a first semester fresher. And yet, here she was, hanging onto Black (dressed, predictably, as Batman) as he steered her through the groups of either high or drunk or just plain unruly Hogwarts students. 

“I could’ve been Poison Ivy.” Lily hissed into his ear, sticking close. She  _ did not _ want to be separated from the only person she knew here. 

Sirius glanced down at her rather inspired catsuit. “You know how many ginger comic book characters there are?”

“I know Catwoman’s not one of them.” said Lily, adjusting her black wig. 

“ _ Everyone _ was expecting you to be Mary Jane or Poison Ivy or Black Widow, but Selina Kyle? No one would recognize you as Selina Kyle, love.” 

“Why is no one recognizing me the goal?” snapped Lily. 

Sirius snorted. “Like you’d be caught dead in a place like this, kiddo.”

Lily briefly considered whacking him on the head.

Sirius Black was weird and complicated, and thus her relationship with him was weird and complicated. They had met at Philosophy 101 that semester, an eight in the morning, three hour lecture that Lily only took to fulfill university requirement, and somehow gravitated towards each other. Lily loudly proclaimed that he was the only Philosophy major she could stand; Sirius said she was the only STEM girl with a sense of humor. Often their discussion turned into biting insults and sardonic comments until he (or she) would simply reach over and viciously tickle the other until they conceded the point. Many arguments had been fought, and despite the way Lily continuously guarded her ribs in case he had an issue with her, she found she was rather fond of Sirius. Of course, that didn’t mean she didn’t want to smack him sometimes. 

Earlier that week Black had thrown a huge sighing fit when she asked him how he was spending his Halloweekend. Lily had raised an eyebrow, and he exploded in a torrential downpour of complaints all ‘poor  _ me _ ’ and ‘my friends won’t go out with me’ and ‘well, they  _ will _ , but they won’t do the DC theme’, and ‘there needs to be a theme, Evans! God, don’t you know  _ anything _ ?’ 

Sirius was very ticklish at the elbows, and Lily nearly climbed over the lecture desk to viciously exploit that weakness at  _ that _ comment. Eventually, as an olive branch, she offered to go out with him. Now that Lily could legally drink, parties like these didn’t hold much stock for her. She had invited him to her apartment for an ungoldly amount of whiskey and  _ Hocus Pocus _ , but he had his heart set on this party and Lily, well, took one for the team. 

“Point me to the liquor, Black.” she said dryly. 

Sirius winked down at her. “That’s Batman to you.” he said in possibly the worst Batman impression Lily had ever heard. 

“Hush up, Affleck.” said Lily, fighting a smile.

“You wound me, Hathaway.” said Sirius, walking with her to the bar.

“God, it’s  _ Pfeiffer _ .” Lily got herself a cup of something green and sweet, and downed it before Sirius even got his own cup. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, and handed her his as well. “I don’t drink.” he explained.

Lily downed this one as well. Huh, she thought. It wasn’t half bad. “Then what’s the point of being here?”

Sirius gave her a dazzling grin. “Socialization, love.”

“That’s bloody ridiculous.” Lily declared. “Why on earth would you want to socialize with anyone who shows up here?”

“I like mingling with the rabble.” said Sirius, slinging an arm around her waist and escorting her to the dance floor.

 

Two hours later, Lily was more than a little tipsy. Her wig was askew, her makeup severely smudged by sweat, and she was aggressively screaming the lyrics to the latest Lady Gaga with Sirius, surrounded by whooping college boys. 

Dancing with Sirius Black was surprisingly fun. He wasn’t a good dancer in the slightest, but neither was she, and yet he walked them around the party with all the confidence of Fred and Ginger. Somehow dancing had devolved into yelling pop lyrics at him while he yelled them back, just as loud, but Lily was having a good time. More specifically, she was having _fun._ Like, a lot of _fun._ _Fun,_ as opposed to normal, good old fashioned fun, was alcohol induced and blindly euphoric. To be completely honest, Lily could remember listened to this Lady Gaga song once sober, and yet she knew all the lyrics. A byproduct of _fun_. 

“Can-can with me, Evans!” He fought to get an arm around her shoulders, drawing her in.

“No, you absolute madman!” she said, shoving him off. There was a two second beat where they looked at each other before Lily shrugged and went right back under his arm. 

“That’s it, princess.”

“Hush  _ up _ .” said Lily, performing a flawless high kick. 

There was a commotion of sorts by the stairs leading out of the basement, and Sirius stopping aggressively bouncing for a moment to look at what was going on. Lily, who was suddenly  _ super _ fond of Sirius as opposed to only a little fond, draped her arms around his neck to get closer to his ear.

“What’s going on?” she asked, yelling over the music.

“Not sure.” said Sirius, frowning. “I think-” he broke off abruptly, and his expression cleared. “You stay right here, love, I’ll be right back.”

“Wha-Sirius!” she said, but he had already detached from her and waded into the crowd. Lily paused for a second, concerned, but then someone handed her a beer and started playing Drake and that was that. 

Lily was left alone, still dancing madly to the music. She really had no clue what she was on about before; she was an  _ excellent _ dancer with some drink in her.       

Some time passed, and Sirius hadn’t returned. Lily began to worry. It was, after all, not the safest place in the world. So she dropped her cup of beer on the DJ’s booth and went out to look for him. God forbid he had gone upstairs with someone. 

Lily plowed through the crowd, mouth set in a hard line. She passed a Joker with badly dyed hair who winked at her, several various sexy children’s cartoon characters as well as an alarming number of banana suits, and one sheet ghost. Finally, she spotted a tall Batman in the line for the bathroom, stumbling a little and being herded by a man in a banana suit, smiling a predatory smile.

Lily blinked. “No, no, no,  _ no-”  _ She rushed forward, snagging Sirius’s arm. 

“He’s with me.” she said fiercely to the banana. To Sirius, she snapped, “Do you need to pee?”

“What?” his voice sounded muffled and strange. “Yeah, I guess-”

“Excellent.” she said, voice hard. “With  _ me _ .” Lily shot at the banana, glaring at him until he backed off, hands in the air.  

Lily ushered the banana into the bathroom and shut the door behind them, an awful smelling thing with a surprising amount of room. She did not want to dwell on why. “Alright, Black, I know we’re strictly 8:00 a.m. Intro to Phil friends but I’ve just saved your life and well, I know this is a big step but I guess you’re going to piss in front of me-”

She turned around to face him, and stopped. The Batman in front of her was decidedly  _ not _ Sirius Black. He was about three inches taller and had thick black glasses jammed on top of his mask.

An “Oh,” fell from her lips as the Batman struggled to get his mask off.

“I think you’ve got me mixed up-” he said, sounding on the verge of slurring. 

“I see that.” said Lily. “Um.”

The Batman gestured to the toilet. “I really wasn’t joking about this, and I know we’re not exactly 8:00 a.m. Intro to Phil friends but I kinda gotta...”

“Yeah!” said Lily, voice strangely pitched. “I’ll just go. Then. Right.”

He raised his hand in a salute as she let herself out, face flaming red. The line of people queuing for the bathroom took one look at her face before all sending her sly grins. 

Lily wanted to scream. She rushed forward to the door, yanking it open and walking out to the porch. It was mostly uninhabited, save for a Two-Face who was vomiting over the side of the rail. Lily sighed, accepting her fate, sat down on a bench next to him. The  continued retching. Lily balefully considered vomiting, herself.

At least the air was cold, and the moon was out. She really liked Halloween, honest, but she liked it more when she was inside with her whiskey and her  _ Hocus Pocus _ . 

“Oi, Pete!” cried a familiar voice inside. Lily turned so quickly she felt a little vertigo, but felt a wave of relief at the sight of Batman,  _ her _ Batman, Sirius Black for sure this time, heading outside. And then she got mad.

His eyes widened at the sight of her next to the vomited supervillain. “Evans-”

Lily stood and smacked him on the arm as hard as she could. “You absolute idiot!” she cried. “I was worried about you! And who on earth leaves their friend, who’s a  _ girl _ , alone at a frat party?”

To his credit, Sirius did look sufficiently chastised. “Sorry, Lily, I got a little carried away.”

“I was  _ worried _ .” She folded her arms.

Sirius enveloped her in an uncomfortable hug. “Sorry,  _ Mum.” _

“Fuck off, Black.”

“Anyway, princess, this is a friend of mine!” said Sirius, pulling back and pointing at the vomiting boy. “This is Pete.”

“Hullo.” said Lily dully. 

Pete gave her a small, good natured wave before leaning back over the rail. At least he has his manners, thought Lily.

“And Remus is back there-oi! Remus!” yelled Sirius behind him. Remus came shuffling out, a sandy haired boy dressed as Riddler. 

Lily knew Remus. They had met freshman year, and were actually friends. She offered him a small smile. “Hi, Lupin.”

“Lily.” said Remus pleasantly. “I didn’t know you knew Sirius.”

“Eight in the morning Phil.” she answered. She looked at Sirius. “I thought your mates weren’t coming?”

Sirius looked so proud he could burst. “They surprised me!”

“Yeah?” she asked, weirdly charmed. He looked so pleased. 

“Yes! They all came as DC characters anyway, except-” his face darkened. 

“-except James.” Remus supplied. “Sorry, Padfoot. We didn’t realize you also...”

“He didn’t dress up?” asked Lily. 

“No, he did, the absolute bastard.” said Sirius darkly. 

Lily opened her mouth to ask a question, but before she could, another Batman-the bathroom Batman, she realized with horror- came bounding down to the porch. 

“Where have you lot been?” he cried. “You’ll never guess-” he cut off sharply at the sight of Lily, standing there with Sirius, Remus, and a still retching Pete. 

She looked in between the two Batmans, and sighed. “And you’d be James, I suppose?”

“Um.” said James-Batman. 

 

Hasty introductions were made, with James and Lily heavily not mentioning the bathroom thing. James then formally got down on one knee and presented Sirius with a Robin costume, making him sneer with disgust and stomp back into the house, taking the other two DC kids with him. This, of course, left Lily and James out on the porch, Lily feeling unbelievably sober. 

She pressed her lips together and looked at him, unsure of what to say. 

After a beat, he began. “Thanks for...um, the bathroom thing. I was a little disoriented.”

“Yes, I could tell.” said Lily, not meeting his eyes. “Personally, I don’t trust anyone in a banana suit.”

That brought a tiny smile to the part of his face she could see. Lily could tell because she was giving him sidelong glances and looking away very fast if he stared back. 

“That’s a good rule of thumb, I suppose.”

Lily sighed, suddenly feeling feverish. She wrenched off her mask and wig, shaking out her now disgusting thick hair. James was watching her, jaw dropped. 

“Are you  _ Lily Evans _ ?”

Lily frowned. “Yes?”

“ _ Lily Evans?” _

“Yeah.”

“Lily Evans from-” James took a moment to yank off his own mask, jamming the glasses back on his face. “-from Hogwarts Prep?”

It was Lily’s turn for her jaw to drop. “James Potter?”

“Yes!”

“James  _ Potter?” _

“That’s me!”

“My god!” said Lily, pressing a hand to her lips. “I  _ hated  _ you when I was fifteen!”

His smile died immediately. “Right. I forgot about that.”

“How could you have?” asked Lily dryly. “I think the only four words I ever spoke to you were ‘I hate you, Potter’.”

“Not true.” he said. “There was also ‘in your wildest dreams’, and ‘go to hell, Potter’, and ‘I’d rather go out with a giant squid’.”

She smiled lightly. The squid thing had been a good one. “That was a dickish thing to do, by the way.”

“Hm?”

“The Robin costume?” said Lily. “Sirius Black has a very delicate constitution and you are messing with it.”

“He’s a coral reef.” agreed James. “But he’ll get over it. This is just our pattern, he’ll screw me over next weekend. He’s my best mate, you know.”

Lily sent him a level look, raising a brow. James paused. “Alright, well I don’t look good in tights and in order for the theme to work-”

“Black made me wear a wig.” said Lily. “Even though the theme would’ve worked just fine with me as Poison Ivy. He’s particular.”

“That’s an interesting way to put it.” said James, shaking his head. 

“He’s a good guy, though.” said Lily. “Confusing, but a good sort. “

“He’s the  _ best _ .” said James, and for a second she saw the fifteen year old she used to hate so much. Somehow, he didn’t seem so bad.

“So what happened to you after Hogwarts?” she asked. “Last I’d heard you got were going to be scouted.”

“Ah, well, I was.” he shrugged. “And I play for the team here, but I decided I didn’t want this as a profession, you know?”

Lily was watching him, a small smile on her face. “Let me guess; Poli Sci major?”

James laughed sheepishly. “Well-”

“Public Policy minor.” said Lily.

James stopped laughing. “That’s just  _ weird _ , Evans.” he shifted, eyeing her with a calculated gaze. “Alright, I’ll do you now.”

“Bring it.” said Lily. 

“In school you wanted to write.” said James, eyes narrowing. Lily blinked, and suddenly realized that James Potter had a competitive streak. Well, at least that hadn’t changed. “But Sirius talks a lot about the redhead in his 8:00 a.m.”

“Well, that’s not fair.” said Lily immediately. “You have a head start.”

He grinned. “A win's a win, Evans. Molecular Biology.”

“Hah!” cried Lily, pointing at him. “Wrong! Organic Chemistry.”

Jame frowned. “That was my second guess.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” said Lily, laughing. 

“It was.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Potter.” said Lily, smiling smugly. 

“ _ Hey _ ,” said James, reaching forward and snagging her hand. Lily’s eyebrows flew up as he laced his fingers with hers. “I was the only one who had your number in high school, so what if I’m a little behind on you now?”

“I wouldn’t say you, um-” Lily was a little off balance. He was only a few inches closer to her than before, but it felt like leagues and miles. Her voice was coming out in tiny stutters. “-I wouldn’t say you had my number. If you had, you wouldn’t have kept asking me out like you did.”

James raised a single eyebrow and tilted his head slightly. Lily cursed him for it-she hated people who could do that. The most she could manage was a slight arch on both brows, and her eyebrows were already raised to the max. “Maybe you’re right.”

He glanced at their hands and quickly let go. “Oh, sorry.” 

Lily, almost as if from a distance, felt her face heat up inexplicably. From the alcohol, her mind insisted. The alcohol. “No problem.” she said weakly. 

James studied her for a moment, taking the purposefully blank look on her face with concentration. “Huh.”

“What?” she asked, pulling away and bracing her hands on the porch railing. An endless stream of question marks were her only thought process. 

“Nothing.” said James, and something in his voice made her look up. What she saw in his face, however, was  _ blinding _ . He had a smile that could’ve lit up a stadium, just glaring away at her. Lily had to blink a couple time. “I should get back to the boys, Lily.”

“Right.” she said.

James leaned in, hesitated for a moment, and then kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll see you around.”

Lily controlled her expressions, nodding dumbly until he left. As soon as she was alone, she collapsed onto the bench and groaned as loud as she could.

 

Tuesday morning, 8:00 a.m., Lily slid into her normal seat next to Sirius. He slung an arm around her immediately.

“Hiya, Selina.”

“Are you Dick Grayson or Tim Drake?” she asked tiredly. 

Sirius scowled. “Well, someone’s in a mood today.”

“Sorry.” apologized Lily. “Marlene was up half the night throwing up, she mixed liquor and I was up with her...it was just a mess.”

“No problem, Hathaway.” said Sirius. Lily sighed, and rested her head on his shoulder. “Say, I’ve got a message to pass along to you.”

“Hm?” asked Lily, turning her head slightly. 

“From your Affleck.”

She shot up. “What.”

Sirius grinned. “You know, I thought Prongs was joking when he mentioned you didn’t seem to hate him all that much anymore, but the look on your face-”

“What look?” Lily demanded. “What  _ message _ ?”

Sirius grabbed a crumpled piece of paper from his bag and shoved them towards her. “Here, I’m supposed to give you this.”

Lily unfolded the notebook paper. Written on it was a phone number, and a message:  _ how’s the giant squid looking now? xoxo , batman  _

She pressed her lips together hard to keep from smiling, and programmed the number into her phone. Sirius was watching her, a look of disbelief on his face.

“Really?” he asked. “All it took was some crumpled up notebook paper? I heard the shit James pulled to try and get you to go out with him before.”

“This is just a start.” said Lily primly. “Nothing serious.”

He shook his head in disgust, and the professor entered the room.

“Michael Keaton, by the way.” said Lily quietly. “ _ You’re _ Ben Affleck. He’s Michael Keaton.”

Sirius arched a brow. “And you’re Michelle Pfieffer.”

“Oh, did I say that?” asked Lily innocently.

He turned away in disgust. “You two deserve each other.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


End file.
